Morning Weight: 179.4
I feel a bit like a ping pong ball the way my weight keeps going back up to 180 and then back down to 179. I’d sure like it to go to 178 instead…
Okay, so here’s the scoop. I went to the doctor yesterday to get a physical. I’m interested to find out about my cholesterol levels because my triglycerides were high three years ago and I haven’t had a physical since (I know, shame on me). I also haven’t had a “well woman” exam since the birth of my daughter 2 ½ years ago. So when I went into the doctor’s office yesterday, I wasn’t terribly surprised to learn they were going to do both the physical and the well woman exam.
Before I continue, I need to explain to you what happens to me when I go to the doctor. My heart starts racing, my palms start sweating, and I am certain I will pass out before making inside. Why? The scale of course. I dread the scale almost as much as I dread salmonella poisoning. You never know when you’re going to get a nurse who says your weight out loud, loud enough for bystanders to hear. It’s awful. I once cried on the scale. It’s true. I was pregnant with my first child and suddenly my weight began to skyrocket. For three months in a row it increased. Finally, by the third time, with hormones raging, I sobbed right there in the doctor’s office. After that, I routinely got told how pretty I looked. J
Anyway, back to yesterday. The nurse gave me a paper gown and instructed me to leave it open in the front. I looked at it when she left, scrambling to get myself naked and into the paper nightmare (because I’m always afraid the door is going to accidentally fly open while I’m naked) and I realized that this THING wasn’t even a gown. It was like one of those fashionable bolero jackets that just comes to your belly button. This meant the entire lower half of my body was naked as a jaybird. She had given me another paper “thing” to put over my lap. Great, right? At least I was covered. Not so. You see, the paper did cover my lap, but suddenly I felt a draft. The air was on my behind…and my behind was exposed…and my behind happened to FACE the door. I turned myself as much to the side as I could and attempted to look “normal” when the doctor walked in.
Then the exam came. Of course I had to “scoot a little lower” not once but three times…sooo much fun when you’re in stirrups and nude. THEN as if it couldn’t get worse, it did. The doctor’s ring snagged on my bolero jacket of a paper gown and ripped it off completely. In one swoop I sat there completely naked.
The doctor tried to have a normal conversation with me while I sat there, contemplating my closing my eyes and counting to ten because SURELY this had to be a dream. She scrambled for a new gown while I looked at her, my face the color of a ripe apple, and pretended that I was not exactly what I was—horrified—naked—wishing to pass out completely to avoid the embarrassment.
Needless to say, I survived, a bit worse for the wear, but I survived. Of course before leaving I had to have my blood drawn (I’m afraid of needles) and my vein collapsed so I had to be poked TWICE, but all ended relatively well I suppose.
The moral of the story? There isn’t one—but oh, isn’t it FUN to be a woman sometimes?
I had a barbecue at my sister’s tonight. So all in all the day went well. I actually made some smart choices and I’m feeling good.
How did your day shape up?
Here’s how my day shaped up:
Breakfast: None—unintentional. Just had a cup of vanilla coffee.
Lunch: Leftover pasta bake—about a cup.
Dinner: Turkey burger, a couple of chips, an artichoke.