Morning Weight: 180.8 (Total Amount Lost on Week1: 4.4 pounds)
Last night I went to the pool with my husband and kids. To my dismay, it was a bit crowded and so was the Jacuzzi. Still, things started off great. We had a lovely meal, the kids frolicked in the water, and the sun grew low on the horizon.
THEN I decided to get into the Jacuzzi. Bear in mind I only do this when no one is around. But just as I started to “prepare”, my husband, my neighbor, and three men I didn’t know got in. I sat with my clothes still on over my bathing suit. I waited. My heart started pounding as it always does when I know I may get nearly naked in front of a group of strangers. Then the moment came: they started talking amongst each other and looking toward the other side of the Jacuzzi. This was it—my moment.
I whipped my clothes off in record time, looking a bit like a bear who’d just been caught by a swarm of bees. It was okay though. No one was looking. I was safe. Right? Not so much. Because then, just as I started to get into the Jacuzzi, I missed the step and let out a loud squeal as I CRASHED into the water. I looked at my husband as he laughed (quietly thank goodness) and just stood there for minute, my back toward “the others.” Finally, when I turned around, they were gracious enough not to say anything.
Still, this mishap brought a few things to my mind. First, why do I always assume people are watching me? I don’t care what people look like at the pool. I don’t care if they weight too much or too little. I do admittedly notice if they are thin and wearing a skimpy bathing suit, because I then wind up eyeing my husband like a hawk to make sure HE doesn’t notice (yes, another bad habit stemming from insecurity). So why do I think I’m being judged? It’s a terrible punishment I put on myself and I hope you don’t.
My husband knows me well enough that he was aware of what I was doing and why I appeared to be on some sort of caffeine drug as I threw my clothes off and beelined for the water. He told me after we got out (I “cleverly” grabbed my towel BEFORE leaving the Jacuzzi so I could hold it up as I got out) that it was clear I was uncomfortable and that he wished I’d stop feeling badly about myself. He even told me I looked good in my bathing suit (lovely, lying fool).
So for all the other women who wait until no one is around to get into the pool, who pull a lawn chair over to the steps so they can put their towel within reaching distance for when they get out, who fly into the water like they’re being chased by madmen, and who would rather eat a raw worm than to be in a bathing suit around strangers, I feel your “pain.” I, too, am an insecure madwoman. The good news is, I recognize my madness, and I’m trying to change it. Are you?
How did your day shape up? Here’s how mine went:
Breakfast: Banana
Lunch: 1 ½ cups Couscous (I’m thinking I need to nix this too—I don’t like low-carb but I think this is too many carbs)
Snacks: 1 Weight Watcher’s snack cake, Cheeze-its, ¼ piece of shortbread
Dinner: 1 cup Kraft Macaroni and Cheese—yes, sometimes ALL moms need to fix this easy go-to. Unfortunately, I’m going to get beaten up by the scale in the morning.
Snack: 2 graham crackers, 2 marshmallows, Nutella and peanut butter – aka: diet suicide
CONFESSION: I ate the first set of snacks before dinner AFTER I weighed myself and determined the scale would likely NOT be down tomorrow. Makes a lot of sense, huh? I knew it would be up, so why not increase it even more?? This is the TRUE, deliriously insane mindset of a yo-yo dieter.