As a mother, I often catch myself telling my husband what to do with our baby. Of course, the decisions I make concerning parenting are the best possible choices, and he could only benefit from hearing my advice, right?
Most women are born with a strong motherly instinct. To many of us, caring for children comes naturally. As youngsters, many girls gravitate toward playing with dolls, caring for stuffed animals, and preparing meals for toys. As young teenagers, many become interested in babysitting. As mothers, especially breastfeeding mothers, we are often the primary caregivers for our infants. There’s no doubt that many of us have a strong set of knowledge concerning babies.
And yet, men play an extremely important role in the life of a child. We mothers need to work hard to encourage our husbands to play an active role in the lives of our children.
This can be difficult. Our husbands probably will not change a diaper the same way we do, feed the baby the same way we do, or play with the baby the same way we do. For me, criticism and correction are often an automatic reaction. “Put a little less food on her spoon when you feed her.” “Scratch her back this way before bedtime.” “Don’t be so rough with her!”
While comments like this may be well-intended, they can cut deeply at the confidence of a new dad. Too much criticism can lead to a man being less and less involved in the life of his child, because he doesn’t want to risk getting cut down.
God made men and women different, and he did so for a reason. God intended children to live with two parents – a mom and a dad – and each parent plays an important role. While not all families are the same, women are often the nurturers, and men, at least in my family, are the wrestlers and teasers.
You may not enjoy watching your husband playfully tease and test the endurance of your baby. Maybe your baby enjoys the same routine and it really bothers you when your husband switches it up. Maybe you think your husband need to be gentler and kinder and give in to the wants of your child more quickly. When you feel this way, remember, men are different from women, and the different way your husband deals with your baby strengthens their important relationship.
Of course, I’m not talking about actions that are cruel or unsafe for the baby. In addition, there are times when mothers need to speak encouragingly and kindly to their husbands when they need some guidance. However, if your husband continues to put a toy just out of your child’s reach to encourage him to crawl, let him do it. If your baby squawks and cries, it’s ok. When your husband playfully (and carefully) tosses your baby into the air, causing her to giggle with excitement, and it makes you very nervous, walk away. He is not a woman or a mother, and he’s not supposed to be. Let him be the father he was mean to be. Will he be perfect? No. Is his different way of parenting an important part of your baby’s life? Yes.