It’s amazing how our role as parents change in ways we could have never predicted. When my daughter was born I was full of sunshine and lollipops. This was the best, smartest, most beautiful baby ever! My baby would never throw a temper tantrum or disobey; she would always be reasonable and willing to listen to Mommy and Daddy because we know best. We were going to be best friends, my baby girl and I, always doing things together, painting our nails, talking, baking, decorating the Christmas tree, pure bliss I tell you.
Those first few months, when really, she was just a needy little being, were wonderful. Our bonding supported my rose colored delusions. I did everything for her, she only demanded food and a dry bottom, life was good.
As she got older, Hailey realized that she was a separate person and that she did not necessarily have to do everything I told her to, or not to as the case may be. Things started to get a little hairy. First it was just socks that felt funny and wearing snow boots in August and then we moved into food issues. What happened to my delightful little baby?
Once I felt like I was getting the hang of parenting this person with her own opinions, I got divorced, and once again, my parenting changed. I found myself trying to head off everything that could make Hailey unhappy, after all, I already ruined her life, it was my job to make the rest of it as pleasant as possible. I spend my days cushioning her from any possible disappointment, it worked for a while, until she was about 13.
Those teenage years definitely changed our relationship. I’m sure it would have changed even if I hadn’t gotten divorced but I quickly realized that I was alone to deal with all the scary things that happen in a teenager’s day. I could no longer be just her soft place to land, I now also had to be the hard hand that drew her boundaries and made her responsible if she stepped outside of those.
It hasn’t been easy. Hailey didn’t want to spend time with me when she felt I was being unfair, which was most of the time. It has been hard for me to enforce punishments because I hate for her to be upset with me, and after all, I want us to be friends. I waffled for a while, being too strict, being too lenient until finally I realized Hailey will have lots of friends but she only get’s one Mom, that’s me.
As she is getting older things are getting better between us, I trust her and allow her more freedoms and she appreciates that. I hope when she is older we will be great friends but for now, I’m happy just being Hailey’s mom.