The adoption coordinator asked me a difficult question today. She sent me some updates on our case, and she mentioned that we had forgotten to fill out one section of the questionnaire. She needs the answer now to complete our home study. I vaguely remember seeing this question and passing over it. I was going to discuss it with Tom and go back to it, but apparently I never did.
The question, in itself, is a simple one, and it’s one that all parents should have an answer to, really.
What was the question? Who will care for the child if something were to happen to you?
When it comes to my own biological children, they are already a part of the family. They have been in this family since they were babies, everyone knows them, everyone automatically loves them, and everyone accepts them. When it comes to our biological children, I don’t think anyone in our family would say “no” if I were to ask them if they would be willing to care for them if something should happen to us.
As much as I want to say that it should be no different with our adopted child, we all know that to some extent, and in some ways, that’s not truly the case. I’m not sure everyone thinks that our adopting a teenager is a good idea, and I am pretty certain none of them would do so themselves. Some have even told us as much. So, how could I ask them to take ours??
The child that we adopt will be a part of our family, just like our own children are, and we will treat her as such, but…
I have already admitted to having thought long and hard about whether we want to do this or not, considering all of the potential problems we might be taking on… we’ve even had to take classes to prepare for this!
We are ready and willing to put the time, effort, and love into bringing this child into our home and do everything we possibly can to help her feel like she belongs here. But prior to making this decision we went through a lot of preparation. If someone else winds up having to care for this child for us, they will not be given that opportunity to think and consider, to prepare, and to go through special training. They will just find themselves with our children suddenly.
Plus… and this just occurred to me… should we need someone else to take over as the parents of our children that just means that this child will have to go through yet another transition!!
As of now, I have not mentioned this to Tom yet. I talked briefly about it with a friend over lunch, and with a co-worker on the way home, and they both believed that this new child should be accepted by family the same as our current children would be. I like that answer, but I’m not convinced yet that that will be the case. So, I’m a little worried about how to bring this up, and I’m a little worried about the reaction we will receive.
Maybe one of my friends, who were so encouraging earlier today, will read this and step up and just say “I’ll do it! Put my name down!”
Hahaha!
Or… maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe everyone will react positively and say that our adopted child is welcome every bit as much as our current children are. Maybe I have nothing to worry about at all.