During my last parenting class we discussed discipline and I want to share some of the key points with you. When some people hear the word discipline they shrink back or become very angry. Sometimes these reactions are due to memories of ineffective or even abusive discipline that they may have experienced as a child. Real discipline is not abuse, and it entails much more than just spanking. Discipline is an expression of our love for our children.
Discipline sets healthy boundaries and issues consequences when those boundaries are broken. Children are not adults and should not be expected to act like adults. If we want our children to grow up to be healthy adults, consistent discipline balanced with love is necessary.
Disciplining with love on a consistent basis is probably one of the more challenging aspects for single parents. If we give more love and little consequences, in a permissive manner, because we feel badly about the effects the divorce has had on the family, the children could grow up being fearful with low self esteem. If we swing the opposite way and discipline harshly while in between tasks, or in an authoritarian manner like an army sergeant barking out orders with little love, children often will rebel and feel disconnected as adults. If as parents we really don’t discipline or show love-well, just think of the book and movie “Lord of the Flies” and what happens to the unsupervised children in that tale. Parents should try to balance love and discipline in a way that works for each individual child. Grounding works for some children, talking things out works with others, while giving up privileges such as TV or computer time works well for others.
Single parents work extremely hard in their different roles and are often worn out, so when Jr. asks for a 2nd cupcake, sometimes we give in just to avoid the argument or fussing. This is a disservice to our children who mainly understand what they want right now and not necessarily the consequences that could be faced in the future. As parents we should say no to the 2nd dessert and explain that it is not healthy to eat in that manner, and if appropriate offer a healthy alternative like carrot sticks or raisins to satisfy his hunger. He may fuss or have a fit at this point, but in ten or fifteen years when he is physically fit and strong enough to make the football team, he may just thank you.
For some great tips on Effective Discipline for Single Parents, please visit this blog recently written by Nicole Humphrey.