One of the hardest things for me when my ex husband and I first started moving forward with our divorce was losing contact with the rest of his family. We had lived with them the first year of our marriage and had spent quite a bit of time together over the last couple of years. We talked fairly frequently and went to visit at least a few times a month. My 16 year old brother in law and I had a really good relationship. Some nights I’d stay up late and help him with his homework, other nights we’d stay up talking. We were pretty close and it was fun for him to be able to talk to me about the girls he was dating or the high school dances or whatever was going on in his life at the time. When we started the whole divorce process I was torn. I loved his family, but I knew that it would be hard for me to be able to heal with the constant contact.
They invited me to come to their family functions still, to come celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving, but under the circumstances I knew it wouldn’t be feasible for me. I knew that it would be awkward for my ex to have me there and I didn’t want to give our son any false notions that Mommy and Daddy would be getting back together. As hard as it was, we all had to distance ourselves from the situation as much as possible.
I still get a text from them on holidays. Every once in a while something will come up and they ask me how I’m doing. The relationships are very distant, but it gave me the chance to heal. It gave me the chance to start moving forward with my life. I still wonder about them, especially my former brother in law, but I know that this is how it needed to be for me. Some families can get away with still having a lot of contact. My ex’s mother still comes to his dad’s family parties and it works out great for them. It just wasn’t something that I could handle in our situation. In the end, you need to do what is right for you. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and give yourself the space you need to heal, however great or small it may be.