I’ve never been one to say never. In fact, whenever I’ve said never – I find that it happens more often than not. I think it’s because as a species – we’re all still very much like children – you tell a child never to do something and not give them a good reason why and chances are – that child’s going to do it. Is there ever a good reason to get a divorce? Yes.
Can I list all of them? Probably not.
But if you are planning to get married, then you need to seriously consider how you are thinking about entering that marriage. Are you thinking that it’ll be great as long as it lasts? Are you thinking that this will be great unless he or she does x, y or z?
Let me give you a suggestion. Don’t think that way. You need to walk into your marriage with the idea and the concept that divorce is not an option. You set yourself and your partner up for success by deciding from the get go, that you won’t fail. Remember, failed relationships from our past can teach us how to succeed in the future – but we shouldn’t enter our marriage thinking about our future romantic relationships – because theoretically, our marriage is the last of our romantic relationships – right?
Deal Breakers
There are things that happen in a marriage that may be a deal breaker – but those are up to the individuals in the marriage. An older woman that I know and admire told me once when I remarked that infidelity would be a deal breaker in my marriage that you can get over infidelity. Her husband, deceased for many years now, cheated on her twice during their marriage. I asked her how she could forgive him and she said:
I loved him. It wasn’t a question of forgiving – it was a question of forgetting. He felt guilty, he felt remorse – I also knew that he loved me and he’d cut off his arm for me. He was a weak man when it came to really pretty women. He never meant to do it – he was like the child left alone with the chocolate chip cookie sitting right there – he couldn’t help himself. He went to counseling, he apologized and he swore he would never walk away as long as I would let him stay. If we could take away those two little incidences – we were very happy – so I could forgive, it just took me time to forget.
A marriage can be overwhelmed. Things can happen that can leave you floundering. But you choose how you respond to it – a divorce shouldn’t be the first option and it shouldn’t be the second option – it should be the very last and most final option when everything else that you can think of and your spouse can think of have been exhausted and there is no possible way that you can forgive or forget.
What is harder for you? The forgiving or the forgetting?
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