As a single parent it’s easy to mourn all the things our children miss out on. Feeling guilty becomes second nature. Our children don’t have their father’s influence and love on a daily basis, they don’t get the benefit of having a stern parent and a gentler parent. They don’t get to share in their day to day triumphs with their father.
The list goes on and on. Only I kiss Hailey goodnight, only I see her every morning, only I am there when she needs someone to lean on. It’s easy to see how we can get caught up in the if onlys, but what about all the things that they miss that are beneficial to them?
My ex husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. My divorce ensured that Hailey would not grow up watching her mother be treated like that and think it was the way things are supposed to be. My divorce has made me a much stronger, more determined person than I ever was, I think that example can only benefit my daughter.
Hailey has missed out on a household full of tension, walking on eggshells when her father was in a bad mood. She has missed out on everyone catering to her father when he is acting like a two year old who needs a nap. My daughter did not learn that the women always defers to the man, even when he is wrong. Those were the things I was teaching her by staying married.
So although Hailey did not get to grow up with her father in her life, she has gotten to grow up in a healthy household. We have a home where we talk to each other and everyone’s needs are important. I listen to Hailey and she has learned to listen to me, not just obeying me because I’m her mother, but actually listening because I am someone she is able to respect and look up to. I wasn’t that person when I was married to her father and I can’t help but think of the damage that would have been done had I stayed.
I don’t mourn what could have been anymore, because it really could never have been and I believe that by leaving I have given Hailey the best chance to have a healthy marriage herself. She doesn’t have our bad example to take into her married life, she comes from a home where we loved and valued each other.
I had to get divorced to give her that, and it was more than worth it.