Going through the divorce recovery process is different and unique for each person, yet some characteristics will be the same for everyone. For some people it takes several months to work through the pain of the loss of the relationship. For others it may take several years to fully feel like he or she has made it through the process.
When going through the pain of divorce, how do we know when we are on the road to feeling ok again? According to a national program called Divorce Care: “Anytime you do not feel anger, blame, self-pity, bitterness, or resentment, then you are experiencing recovery. If you think of your former spouse less often than you used to, this is a sign of recovery. If you are living in the present more than you are dwelling in the past, you are recovering. When you look back and see where you have been, that means you are in a position of recovery.”
At some point, life will feel like it is worth living again. You may find that one day you have a surprising muscle reaction that turns the corners of your mouth upward. Some people call that a smile and your brain vaguely remembers that you used to do that frequently. Soon you might even laugh out loud. Do not be alarmed-this is a good thing!
In time you will have the desire to leave your house or apartment and perhaps go for a walk. After that you might call an old friend to get together for coffee and a nice talk. These are good positive steps in the recovery process.
Remember that there will also be setbacks. A certain sound or smell will bring you back to a different time when your life seemed more complete. There will still be days that are truly difficult, but those will happen with less frequency, and the joy of life will be experienced more and more.