I know that many of us single parents have been on the receiving end of “judgment”–people (teachers, neighbors, family member, etc.) who blame just about everything and anything that might go awry with our children as being “because they are from a broken home” or “because of the divorce” or “because you’re a single parent.” Of course, I don’t buy it–I think that there are plenty of reasons that children might “act out” and while the trauma and chaos of a divorce or death might be some of those reasons–there are plenty others that have nothing to do with single parent families.
Like many of you, I read the reports that say that kids from single parent homes turn out just fine and comparable to their two-parent family classmates; and I also read the reports that blame everything from obesity to poor eyesight on single parent families. Which reports are true?
I don’t know if generalizing and trying to find one single reason to blame for all the ills of childrearing is helpful at all. I think that there are so many things we single parents can do to help our children not only adjust to our single parent family status, but to thrive. I am of the opinion that children who are able to talk about, express and work through issues that are bothering them–don’t NEED to act out (that theory doesn’t include teenagers who seem to be hard-wired to act out; it is part of their jobs!). Giving kids the tools to talk about their feelings, helping them feel loved and supported, and paying attention to what is going on–can all help to at least diminish a child’s acting out.
Of course, we cannot always control what goes on at school, in the neighborhood, etc. It has been interesting raising my kids as I have often found that they act out less at home then when they are in a boring and oppressive school situation, on a team with a rude coach, etc. I know that sounds as though I’m trying to say I’m perfect but that isn’t my point–it’s really more of the “what’s really going on here and can we talk it out theory.”
Like most people, I don’t know the “true” answer to whether or not kids from single parent families act out more, but I definitely don’t believe it is a “rule” that we all need to accept and carry as a burden. We have more power over the health of our families than that and there are always things that can be done to help a child through a rough patch.
Also: Controversy Over What is a Healthy Family
Combating the Stigma of Divorce and Separation