With three teenagers, we’ve pretty much outgrown the “because I said so” stage. I cannot get away with barking instructions and orders without offering a logical explanation to go along with it—which my kids respond to in various ways. I have to admit, however, that those logical explanations are not always enough and sometimes, what I say just has to be…
Here is the general “formula” that I have developed: I offer a logical explanation first, not as a justification, but as a matter of fact. “I have decided that you can go to the party on Friday night as long as you get all your homework done. We have such a busy weekend upcoming, I would like it if you didn’t put things off until the last minute.” Usually, this will suffice—especially now that my children our older. If it doesn’t, and there is grumbling and arguing, I generally try to ignore it and just stand my ground. If push comes to shove and I’ve already offered a logical explanation, then I just state my case and that is it. I’m done explaining. It simply becomes an argument or a power struggle if I don’t.
I know that different parents have different opinions on this one. Some feel that whatever they say should be law and some are all about negotiation all the time. I tend to think of myself as somewhere in the middle. I am open to hearing my children present their “cases”—but once I have given something serious thought and issued my response, complete with a logical explanation, I feel like that should suffice. I tend to prefer the negotiation on the “front” side—before I’ve made a decision, rather than a power struggle after. Then, I feel like once I have given a rational justification for my standpoint, I shouldn’t have to continue to explain myself.
Also: Does This Action Demand a Response From Me?