Sometimes, I have a hard time with the reality that the best parenting I can do in a given moment is none—I don’t always have to say something, even if it is the briefest of comments. Silence can sometimes be the most effective parenting of all!
When my son is lounging in front of the television watching an afternoon of football—I do NOT really need to comment on why he is lounging or wonder aloud at his “laziness.” Neither do I need to comment on hair-dos or the way my kids dress or offer unsolicited advice. I know someone who had a parent who used to offer up: “a smart person would have done…” or “a smart person wouldn’t” whenever the parent didn’t approve of what the child was doing. Those sorts of comments don’t help, do not strengthen your relationship with your child, and they serve to create doubts and low self-esteem. The thing is, many of us parents (and myself included) can make comments or say things under our breath, without even realizing it.
We can remind ourselves that we don’t HAVE to comment; we don’t have to offer up that unsolicited criticism or advice and this includes unfavorable or judgmental looks too. My kids have called me on “looks” when I thought I was keeping my mouth shut. My mouth may have been silenced but my eyes and face were making my “comments” for me. We need to trust the process and ask ourselves if our commenting will make things better or make things worse. Many of us justify our comments by saying that we are “helping” our child, but are we really helping? Will the comments really be helpful or harmful? Silence can be the wisest choice and a way of building trust and showing support.
Also: Practicing What I Preach
Sometimes Guidance Must Be Subtle