I had the weirdest conversation with someone the other day. I was standing outside my daughter’s dance school and I was chatting with a couple of the other mothers. To put it into perspective, one of the women was a size 6 or 7 and the other I would hazard was somewhere around a 14 or 16. She wore my size. Both women look good and while I would hazard that the woman who wore my size was a little on the overweight side, she didn’t appear fat as we define it in our culture.
Now, bear in mind, I feel fatter on some days than I do on others. Usually around that particular time of the month – when my hormones are bouncing and my negative self-talk voice gets a little edgier and louder – but the rest of the time – I feel pretty fit and though I need to lose weight I don’t feel particularly fat. Now that you have that little bit of information, let me tell you about the conversation that we had.
Feeling Fat
The size 6 mom was complaining about the fact that she had trouble putting weight on. She worked out regularly and ate a good diet, but she couldn’t keep her weight up in the zone where it was supposed to be. She’d discussed it with her physician and she was on an even higher calorie diet in order to facilitate her needs. The second mom remarked what we’re all probably thinking — don’t I wish that was my problem?
Mrs. Size 6 Mom shook her head and said quite bluntly. “No, you don’t. Because I eat all the time. I hate the sight of food now. It’s not about whether it tastes good – it’s about how many calories it has. I feel like I’m always stuffed – I feel like I should be huge and I’m not – it’s hard.”
Mrs. Size 16 Mom stared at her askance. “I hate food too, I eat regular small meals and avoid the high fat foods. I’m always counting calories and I feel huge all the time. Nothing I do gets the weight to come off – “
“So essentially, we all feel the same way, just for different reasons.” I chimed in.
The other women agreed with me and then Mrs. Size 6 Mom remarked rather off hand “I can understand that you are frustrated – but you don’t act like you’re fat.”
Acting Fat?
Act fat? That was a new one. I asked her what she meant by that and she pointed out something that to me – should probably have seemed obvious in retrospect – but here it was.
Fat people are lazy. Fat people have trouble getting anything done. Fat people don’t get motivated real well. Fat people wear clothing that is ill fitting and they try to hide their bodies. Fat people aren’t active. Fat people are not proactive.
Okay, those are all pretty generalized and so I found myself considering what the mom said. No, I am very active. I work out regularly. I try to eat a healthy diet. I’m always on the go. I enjoy physical activities and I’d rather wear comfortable, well-fitted clothing than all of the ill fitted clothing in the world. I’m not ashamed of my body and I’m not using it as an excuse to avoid doing something about it.
So I guess I don’t act fat.
Mrs. Size 16 Mom offered another insight that made me think as well,
But that’s like saying Jewish person isn’t Jewish because they don’t act like a Jew. That’s like saying a Muslim isn’t a Muslim because they don’t act like a Muslim; a Christian isn’t a Christian because they don’t act Christian. Who defines how a person is supposed to behave? Stereotyping in our culture is HIDEOUS. We categorize, bottle and label people based on whatever title we slap on them.
- A student should be studious
- A dancer should be lithe and lighthearted.
- A singer should be passionate and throaty voiced.
- A Christian should be always forgiving and carry a Bible stapled to their forehead.
- A fat person should be lazy slob who isn’t worth the time of day.
They Have a Name For This
It’s called racial profiling – we determine what a person is like based on their looks alone. Employers, teachers, friends and even family do the same thing and we do it over and over and over again. We object to the negative aspects of profiling in others every bit as much as we do in ourselves. We either become defensive or we hide away from who and what we are.
I am not a size 2.
I have NEVER been a size 2.
I wouldn’t know what a size 2 looked like on me if one came up and strangled me.
No, I don’t act fat.
I don’t act like a lot of things.
You see – I am me – you cannot stereotype me because I am a contradiction of complexities and individuality. And so is each and every one of you. I don’t act fat because fat is generality and when we talk to ourselves in those generalities we are doing ourselves a huge disfavor.
So don’t act fat. Just be you. If you happen to be overweight – then do something about it because you want to – not because some stereotype or person is sitting there demanding it. You might be tall, you might be short, you might be old, you might be young, you might be thin, you might be overweight, you might be dark skinned, you might be fair skinned, you might be a mom, you might not – these are all labels that describe our appearance, our life choices and our careers – they are not who we are.
Do you act fat?
I would hazard a guess that you don’t – no matter what you tell yourself inside. Have a great rest of your Friday!