How often do you say you’re sorry?
Not for accidentally stepping on your child’s foot while making a mad dash to remove a burning ham from the oven. Or for being late to pick up your son from football practice, or for inadvertently tossing out moldy bread that was your daughter’s science experiment.
Those are instances that incontestably deserve an apology, and most parents acknowledge this fact.
But, how often do you apologize to your kids for displacing your anger, frustration and resentment on them about things that have nothing to do with them?
That’s the question I dared ask a parent, who I observed repeatedly giving his child a verbal lashing for seemingly innocuous behavior.
The parent’s retort: “I’m the parent. I don’t have to apologize.”
Oh really?
I cannot comprehend never having to apologize just because I am the parent. I apologize to my child whenever I am in the wrong.
In fact, I am acutely sensitive to incidents that call for me to apologize when it was my behavior that led to an escalation of events.
For example, I have a tendency to be snarky when I’m fatigued or extremely hunger.
Fortunately, I’m not in denial about this negative trait. What’s more, I have gotten very good about apologizing to my kindergartener when I screw up.
Saying “I’m sorry” is a no brainer. In fact, whereas I used to place my young daughter on my lap, sincerely apologize for flippantly suggesting that she consult wikipedia if she didn’t like my answer regarding why rain doesn’t fall indoors, and say, “You know what? I’m being really grouchy today. I’m sorry, it’s not your fault, I’m just really tired,” these days when I’m being particularly sarcastic my daughter will astutely announce, “Mommy, you need a nap.”
She’s right. I know it, she knows it, and moreover, she knows that even though I am not perfect I love her unconditionally and I am willing to own up to my mistakes. Which I do. Daily.
That said I don’t see why some parents shy away from apologizing to their kids. Perhaps, they feel that as the parent they have to be the example of unwavering authority. That a simple “I’m sorry,” will obliterate their status as Mr./Mrs. Perfect. Or, that they are too prideful to admit that their fatigue from taking a 5-hour red-eye triggered their disproportionate rant or the fact that they haven’t eaten in 14 hours prompted them to spew venom on a kid who dared interrupt their Sunday afternoon football viewing.
Never underestimate the power of a simple (and genuine) “I’m sorry.”
A little humility goes a long way.
How often do you apologize to your kids?