As a single parent, we are usually on our own when it comes to creating an aura of authority with our kids. One of the issues that come up for single moms, in particular, is a lack of respect and more back talk than might be permissible in a two-parent home. If we have more than one child, we are inherently out-numbered and when they hit those snarky adolescent years, it can be tough to insist upon respect all the time. Do we give in and tolerate back talk? Do we let the little stuff go and fight the bigger battles? How do you handle the respect issue as a single parent with your kids?
I want to be absolutely honest, my children are more loose with their language and talk to me than they are with their dad. AND, their dad doesn’t always request or demand they say the most respectful things about me from what I have heard and witnessed. With this stacked against me, I realize that I need to demand and insist on respect and respectful behavior with my kids—but they do have more freedom to express themselves as well.
There was a time when my kids first started getting into the backtalk that I took it very personally and it hurt my feelings that my kids could be so disrespectful. As the only adult in the house, there was no one to come to my defense or insist upon “don’t talk to your mother that way!” so I had to get my own emotions under control and decide what I would and would not tolerate. I really wanted to model respectful behavior and treat my kids with the patience and respect I would like from them (and others in return). I am not into picking fights with them, but I do not let disrespectful comments or behaviors go unchallenged. I prefer a simple, calm, and firm response: “That is a disrespectful thing to say to me and it is not okay.” I never raised them to be “Yes Sir” and “Yes Ma’am” children, however, but I do want them to learn that it is not okay to say whatever comes into their minds just to bark out at someone.
They aren’t perfect, but things are improving as they get older and, I like to think, because I have been so strong and steady on the subject. With no one to “stick up for me” as a single parent, I think I’ve given them some strong lessons in how a person can have strong self-esteem and advocate for themselves. I can tolerate a little backtalk, but when it crosses over into disrespect, I do not ignore it. How about you?
Also: They Need to Believe You Know What You’re Doing
Make Sure They Know Who Is the Boss
I Probably Let My Kids Have More Say and Influence