As I’ve said before, one of my favorite commentators is also someone who regularly feeds my muse: Jade “The Muse” Walker. She’s been really good about continuing to send me links to interesting articles in spite of the fact that I’ve gotten sidetracked in writing about them.
One of the last ones she sent me was about an experiment ABC News conducted in both New Jersey and Alabama. It had to do with public displays of affection, also known as PDA.
A couple of years back they’d done an experiment of the same nature. They hired actors to pose as couples being affectionate with one another in a restaurant. This time they again used couples, but gay ones. (Both female and male.)
They also went even more public with their displays. Instead of a restaurant they used outdoor, out-in-the-open locations. In New Jersey it was on park benches. In Alabama it was a bench in the Five Points section of Birmingham.
Reactions were varied, but interestingly the most severe one reported was when a woman in Birmingham called the police to complain about a couple of men “kissing and drooling all over each other.” (I was half-expecting reports of confrontations with people telling them to stop, or maybe even throwing things at them.)
Thankfully it seems we’re becoming a more tolerant society. Of not just gay PDA, but of PDA in general. That was the main sentiment that seemed to be expressed by most of the people –even those reluctant to seeing gay people being openly affectionate in public. Most supported the expression of love since we all seem to be exposed to too much hate anymore.
The one thing that even some of the supporters said they weren’t sure about was gay PDA in front of children. They weren’t sure they wanted their kids to see that, or that they wanted to answer the questions that would inevitably come.
Until Jade sent me this article I never really considered how I felt about PDA. Wayne and I do it. Subtly. A little peck here, maybe a quick squeeze there. Sometimes a pat on the rear thrown in.
But I’ve been watching for it now. And gauging my reaction. Mostly I smile when I see a happy couple holding hands.
I’ve been going to church with my mom on Sundays and there’s this cutest old couple who hold hands as they walk in, hold hands throughout almost the entire mass, and walk out holding hands again. They’re both well into their 70s, if not early 80s, and seem so in love. Could be they’ve been married for decades, or could be they’re newlyweds. One Sunday I’m hoping I get the chance to ask them.
Then there was the other day last week shopping, when I saw a lesbian couple heading into the grocery store. (I know they’re gay because they also happen to live in my neighborhood.) Very, very briefly they squeezed hands before letting go, then exchanged a knowing glance before grabbing their cart and beginning to fill it.
It was subtle, tasteful, but also sad. I got the feeling they would have liked to be more open about their affection but perhaps didn’t want to draw attention. Or maybe they were just being respectful of those around them, same as a conservative heterosexual couple might be.
Still, what I saw pass between them was what passes between all couples brave enough to do PDA. Sweetness. Tenderness. Even a bit of flirtiness.
Too much PDA is like anything else –-too much. Sloppy, groping kisses can make anyone uncomfortable. But done in small doses, PDA can be a beautiful thing.
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Public Displays of Affection: How Much is Too Much?
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