Okay, so you’re wondering what constitutes a “fib”? I recently heard a group of parents talking about things they had done to help their kids change bad habits–everything from creating fairies and magic to scare away monsters, to giving up security blankets and pacifiers by sending them off to poor children in developing countries. I confess that I used to tell my kids that if I gave in to one of their unsafe or unsavory requests, I would lose my “mom license.” It was a fib, of course, and while it worked at the time–they do now hold all my little “fibs” against me as proof that I am not entirely reliable to tell the “exact and honest truth.”
Some parents refuse to “do” Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy for this same reason. A fib is a fib is a fib. It is one of those topics that can elicit some strong emotions and controversy and get out of hand rather quickly. What constitutes a fib and does the fact that we are motivated to protect our kids, or create a world that seems more safe and secure, justify our “making up stories” to explain away life’s confusions or just make life run smoother.
Years ago, I was driving a van full of second-graders to soccer practice and one of the little girls in the back started to tell the others that she “knew for a fact how babies were born.” Before I could get the subject changed, she had started to share an elaborate story involving water and seeds and God and I don’t know what else. The other kids were still trying to set her straight at soccer practice with their more scientific explanations and she ended up in tears, confused because her parents had told her the “truth.” Now, I realize that is a bit of an extreme example of how our well-intended fibs can come back to haunt us–and build a little wall of mistrust between ourselves and our children–but I‘ve certainly been on both sides of this conundrum.
Do we tell fibs and hope for the best? Do we strive for impeccable honesty? How do we evaluate what is “age-appropriate” and what is just going to make things worse in the long run? How do you manage the dissemination of information with your children?