Sometimes, the issue is not one of lack of attraction for our spouses. Sometimes, it’s all about not feeling very attractive ourselves. This may stem from physical issues regarding personal appearance, health, weight gain, rapid weight loss, or an assortment of other concerns, but sometimes it can also be emotional.
If you don’t feel good about yourself as a person, or don’t particularly like the man or woman inside, you’re not likely to feel as if you’re attractive to others. On the other hand, it may not be self-image, but the image you feel the other person sees. If your spouse tends to belittle you, ignore you, deflect from your requests for assistance, or otherwise leaves you feeling taken for granted or unappreciated, you’re not likely to feel very responsive when he or she approaches you sexually.
So, what can you do? The first step, that dreaded first step, is identifying the problem. Many of us don’t really want to delve into our issues and would prefer to deny that a problem exists, hoping it will go away. Problems don’t just go away. Even if certain issues seem to clear up on their own, it’s usually only temporary.
If the issues is one you own, it’s up to you to determine the best approach. Would taking better care of yourself make you feel sexier? Maybe you could use an update. If you’ve worn the same hairstyle forever or need new clothes, these are simple fixes. Getting in better shape takes more effort but is still do-able.
If the issue is something that your spouse needs to work on, you’ll have to confront it. Try to do so without making him or her feel defensive, so it can be a conversation instead of an altercation.
Another possible issue is that you could be blowing things out of proportion. You don’t know how your spouse sees you, so don’t automatically assume that he or she doesn’t find you attractive any more simply because you don’t feel as attractive as you once did.
Also, remember, none of us is as young as we once were. They gray hair starts to creep in along with a few wrinkles and an extra pound here or there. It happens. It’s part of aging and aging definitely beats the alternative. Embrace the signs of long life and embrace your own loveliness.
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