How often do you quarrel in front of your children?
If you follow old-school parental advice your answer would be: Never. But, this is the 21st century and these days child psychologists are singing a different tune when it comes to arguing in front of your kids. According to a new study, most children won’t experience serious psychological harm if they witness their parents fighting. In fact, the study, which was recently published in the Journal of Child Psychiatry and Psychology, suggests that children might actually benefit from watching their parents resolve problems.
The reason, according to experts: Conflict happens in the real world.
The study found that in some ways, kids benefit from seeing their parents disagree because it gives them a lesson on how people can work out their problems through compromise. The study also suggests that parents shouldn’t hide every dispute from their children in an effort to spare them from psychological scars because when it comes down to it, kids are very resilient.
“In any relationship, people are going to disagree,” noted one of the study’s authors. “And if parents don’t argue in front of kids, they get a false sense of harmony.”
Conversely, experts agree that giving the green light for parents to quarrel in front of their kids shouldn’t mean that moms and dads employ destructive behavior. According to the study’s authors, destructive conflict includes anything from name calling, cursing and physical aggression to sulking, crying and “the silent treatment.”
Experts say parents should strive to partake in constructive discussion. In doing so insults are not hurled and there’s no name calling. Rather, parents compliment their partners as they work toward common ground.
Frankly, that doesn’t sound like fighting to me at all.
Still, I get what the experts are trying to prove; that kids do better if they watch parents solve problems constructively. The study also found that children are influenced by the way their parents act and they will often deal with their peers in the same way as their parents deal with one another.
Do you find that this is true in your family?
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