How often do you violate our own rules and then wonder why our kids have a hard time following the rules you set? As parents, we sometimes have the attitude that we don’t have to follow our own rules. However, when we do, we send the wrong message to our kids. If we take a lackadaisical attitude toward rules, then our kids won’t feel the need to follow these same rules. Sometimes we violate the rules without even thinking about it or we figure our kids aren’t really paying attention but, let’s face it, our kids watch our every move.
Here are some common rules parents establish and then break:
No eating or drinking in the car is the rule for kids, yet we bring a cup of coffee with us when we drop the kids off at school in the morning.
No hitting, but we hit our kids.
Not wearing our seatbelt.
Smoking while warning of the dangers of smoking.
Drinking and driving.
Using profanity, and then punishing our kids for doing so.
Little “white” lies. For instance, having your child tell a caller that you are not at home when you simply don’t want to talk to the caller.
Although some of these infractions might seem minor, they send a clear message to your kids that they don’t really have to follow the rule because they see mom and dad breaking the rule. I’ve heard parents say that they can break the rules because they are adults or they are the parents and don’t have to answer to the child. I disagree. I feel we have to set a good example by not breaking the rules ourselves if we want our kids to follow the rules we set.
We can always have exceptions to the rules and let our kids know that in some situations it’s okay to bend the rule. For instance, the no eating or drinking in the car rule. If you travel a lot, there will be times when your child will need to have a little snack or drink and you don’t have time to stop. As we were traveling back and forth from Mobile to New Orleans, I made sure Tyler had something to eat and drink before we left. It was just a two-hour drive so generally he was able to make it without needing anything. When we traveled to Tennessee a few weeks ago, we stopped frequently at rest areas so that he could have a drink and eat or just to stretch his legs.
So parents, if you expect your kids to follow your rules, do yourself a favor and follow them yourself.
See also:
What Are You Teaching Your Kids About Gossip?
Setting Limits Without Causing Resentment