Why is it that parents are often segregated into two camps: Those who do and those who don’t?
Those who apologize to their kids and those who don’t.
Those who drag their kids to the mall on Black Friday and those who don’t.
Those who allow their kids to run around naked in public and those who don’t.
Those who whip slices of pizza at their unruly kid’s head when they are frustrated and those who absolutely, undeniably, under no circumstance, who even consider doing so.
And, finally, the ultimate division in parenthood: Those who force their children to apologize for their bad behavior and those who could give a rip that their Tasmanian Devil of a kid stole another boy’s shovel, used his head as a drum, pushed him off the swing, and then thought it would be fun to practice skipping stones off his back.
Apologize? For what?
Not for nothing, but if my kid so much as cuts in front of another child in line at the playground slide, I demand that she apologize for her offense.
Yes, I’m that mom.
Fortunately, my daughter readily complies with my request, and I’m not forced to stand between her and the wronged child for five minutes chanting the words: “Say you’re sorry. Say you’re sorry.”
Still, the fact remains that I do have to remind my 5-year-old (on occasion) that when you offend or hurt another person, you are required to apologize for your ill behavior.
So, how bad is it to force your child to apologize? Are apologies on demand less sincere, or are they a way to enforce good manners?
According to childhood experts, forcing your child to apologize when he does something wrong is much better than ignoring his actions.
But what about the times when your child refuses to say he’s sorry no matter how egregious his behavior?
Experts suggest the following:
Apologize for your child: If you witness your child snatching another kid’s toy and jubilantly running for the hills with it while his pint-sized victim is drowning in his own tears, then step in. You can go over to the hurt kid and apologize for your child’s behavior. Experts say by doing so you are modeling good behavior and setting a good example for your child.
Role play: Practice apologizing with your child at home. Consider doing some role-playing activities with your son or daughter. Pretend she hits you or you hit her, and then practice different ways to say you’re sorry.
Maintain perspective: Don’t make a federal case about apologizing. If your child refuses to say he’s sorry, simply say it for him, then talk about the incident later when you are away from the scene of the crime. Ask your child what he was thinking and feeling, and why he didn’t apologize. Experts say making a major deal out of the actual apology on the spot might just exacerbate the situation.
Do you force your kids to apologize?