Many people don’t like to think about — or talk about — death. But it may be wise to think about the shape you’d like the end of your life to take now… before someone else has to make the decision for you.
In the summer of 2001, my paternal grandmother passed away. It was somewhat unexpected — she had been living with Parkinson’s disease, but was largely stable. It was my paternal grandfather who had been very sick that same summer, and he was the one we were worried about.
When Gramma died, we started making plans for her funeral and interment. My grandfather — just moved from his hospital bed to a rehab — suddenly spoke up vehemently. “She wants to be up high, in a mausoleum. She doesn’t want to be in the ground.”
None of us had known that. If Pop-Pop hadn’t spoken up, we wouldn’t have known what Gramma’s wishes were.
Generally, a living will refers to the care you wish to receive at the end of your life — and is made in the event you are unable to speak for yourself. You can choose how far doctors and other health care personnel go in order to prolong your life. But your end of life wishes may go beyond that. Do you have a particular ritual or celebration you want held for friends and family? Where do you want to be buried? Do you want to be buried?
There are a lot of hard questions to ask yourself when thinking about the end of your life. But asking them now may save your family a lot of stress and worry. If your wishes are clear, then your family and friends have a course of action to guide them. They don’t have to feel guilty about whether or not they are doing what you wanted them to do. They don’t have to bear the burden of making the tough decisions.
The more you can prepare now, the easier it will be to make sure your end of life wishes are respected. For example: if you want to pass at home, look into hospice services in your area. If you — like my grandmother — would prefer a mausoleum to a cemetery plot, you can purchase a space in advance.
Most importantly: let someone know what you want. If you keep your wishes a secret, then how will your family and friends know what you want them to do? I am so grateful that my grandfather spoke up about what my grandmother wanted. I hope when the time comes, someone will be there to speak up for what I want.