I think that it is easy for single parents to start to believe that they are in charge of every aspect of their children’s lives. Since there is only one of us and we have to maintain control and responsibility over all aspects of family life, I think we can get the impression that our “territory” is all-inclusive and that we have say, control, and responsibility for more that we actually do.
Maybe you know of partnered parents who can say something like: “The clothes shopping is my department and driving the kids to sports is my spouse’s.” As single parents, we often have to take responsibility for all of those tasks. But, since we do carry so much authority and responsibility, we might think we are in charge of more territory than we actually are. Our child’s other parent, or our child may be abdicating some responsibility to us–or we may be taking it instead of letting some other people step up and take care of things too.
For example, are you doing things for your child that he should and could be doing for himself? Are you still purchasing clothes for a seventeen-year-old when she could very well be handling this herself? Do you make all the arrangements for your child when he or she is with the other parent? What can you let go of and why might you be clinging to a much bigger territory than you actually need to?
Taking on too much can be sign of controlling behavior and can contribute to our getting burned out. We can’t do it all and in most family situations (even if you have a very flakey ex or are a completely “only” parent) there are alternatives–we can share our territory or cut back or increase our healthy expectations of what our children can handle. We don’t have to be supreme ruler of a vast and endless territory of parenting!
Also: Challenge For Single Parents–Balancing Nurturing and Getting Things Done
Why We Can’t Do it All–Even If We Want To