We’ve all done it. We’re out in public and someone else’s wild child is pitching a fit. He wants a candy bar, mom says no and he tantrums. So she gives him the candy bar or buys him the toy. We may not say anything but in my mind I’m always thinking, “See, she shouldn’t give in and that’s why he’s throwing a fit. He knows it works.” While I personally wouldn’t vocalize my opinions about someone else’s kids’ behavior, many are all to willing to give their opinions–especially the older set.
This happened to me recently which is why this topic has become fair blog fodder. I was walking down town with the twins and others in tow. The scenario you would see if you were watching is as follows:
I have no stroller and I’m walking with twins. One wants to go one way and the other wants to go the other way and I also have the other three children with me. Emily pitches a fit, and Laura starts to cry. My poor oldest daughter Lizzy, is asked to help (which she does willingly). Meanwhile Meghan is in the flower beds picking flowers. I’m pretty sure the safety patrol of Lexington Avenue would not approve.
So while I am practically dragging both girls down the block, a woman stops and points out the obvious. She points out that I need a stroller. My 4 year old should not be ‘allowed’ (as if this is something I readily encourage) to pick flowers in the flower bed. Those are public property and as part of ‘the public’ this woman takes offense. (At which point Meghan offers her a flower. . .she is not amused.) She says that in her days my twins would’ve been ‘beaten on the back side’ for behaving the way they were. (At this, Laura looks up at her and frowns. . .apparently, Laura is not amused.)
She finally goes on to point out that people ‘should learn to keep their pants on if they can’t handle children’. And that ‘this is why teen age pregnancy is a bad idea.’ I can only assume by the last comment that she assumed I was much younger than I actually am but that’s beside the point.
Why You Shouldn’t Judge
No doubt about it, we were having an off day. What she didn’t see was the following:
The stroller I had bought inconveniently broke leaving me no choice but to make the girls walk–several blocks more than they were probably able. Besides, they can wriggle their way out of all of the strollers we’ve tried. In the end, they have to want to sit in them. She also didn’t hear the conversation an hour before where my babysitter explained to me that she couldn’t come because her car got vandalised. (And wouldn’t you know that in New York City it is illegal to leave a vandalised car on the street?) That left me scrambling at the last minute to get the kids to their classes on time. No time to pack a good snack or drinks–we just had to leave.
She didn’t see that we sat in traffic for a horribly long time which in turn rendered unusually grumpy twins. I can only assume that she’s never had twins either because she clearly was not thinking through the ramifications of “beating their back sides.” Even if I was going to take such a measure (which I certainly would NOT ), doing so would leave the other twin without a hand to hold and folks, this is Manhattan–there are cars and rushing people that wouldn’t even notice that they had flattened a toddler.
Yes, she was an unusually rude woman and most people wouldn’t say anything. But her comment got me thinking. How often do we see kids in the stores or out in public and think badly about their parents because of the child’s behavior? I used to do it before I had more kids. Then I began to realize that kids have bad days (and so do moms for that matter.) There are tons of things that happen to us on the way to here and there and sometimes this leaves for a less than ideal ‘outing’. Let’s try to remember that the next time we see a mom struggling in public. Maybe they’re just having a bad day!
While her comments were completely inappropriate, I was only too thrilled to be viewed as being in my twenties. (Go ahead. . .call me vain!)