As many of you know, I have been through many different stages of parenting—most of them as a single parent. Now my children are getting to the launching years. At the ages of 18, 17 and 16—we are moving out of the world where I have been in control and into a time when they need to take control for their own lives. This can be a rocky time for children and parents alike and as a single parent; it can be tough to know when to indulge and when to say “no.” There is a point when we have to decide if we love them enough to cut them off or nudge them along.
When our children are young, we show our love by nurturing and protecting them. As they get older, however, doing what is best for them becomes more painful and less clear. A good friend of mine pointed out that we can take a cue from the animal kingdom and the natural world when it comes to launching our children into adulthood. Those animals really do force their offspring out of the den—they growl, bite, snap and drive them off when the time comes. And, those offspring do NOT want to leave the nest or den either! Just like many of our human children, they find living at home and being cared for to be quite a fine arrangement. Why on earth would they want to give that up? For the survival of the species, however, and for what is best for the individuals—they have to get pushed out on their own to learn how to make it.
As human parents, particularly Western ones living in this day and age, we have sustained childhood, we swoop in and rescue our children and all those “helicopter parents” are mixed up in doing things for their children well into their twenties. Is this really what is best for them? Can we love them enough to rein ourselves in and STOP doing the nurturing and caretaking when the time comes? Of course they will always be our children and we can care, encourage, support and love—but we can hold them back by keeping them from moving on.