The other day Wayne and I got to talking about marriage, money, and respect. We’ve both known several people who divorced their spouses once they started bringing home the bigger paycheck. Specifically, women who divorced their husbands because they earned more than he did.
“It has to do with respect,” Wayne said when we were talking about a particular friend. “She never had much respect for him to begin with. So once she started earning more, she lost what little she’d had.”
“That’s pathetic!” I said. “If I ever made more than you it wouldn’t change how I felt about you.”
“Not that that’s a likely scenario anyway.”
He got threatened with a trip to Target after that. (Although, he’s got a point. At the rate I’m going, unless I hit it big with a book or movie deal, I’ll never out earn him. But as I always remind him, he didn’t marry me for my money.)
Lyn wrote a really great article about this very issue. (Women earning more. Not how I’ll never out earn Wayne.) She examined it from a different point of view: men who don’t feel comfortable with a wife who earns more, as well as wives who feel guilty because they do earn more.
I can’t imagine Wayne feeling uncomfortable if I did happen to out earn him. Wanting to change his lifestyle and become a stay at home dad to our three fur kids and train all day for triathlons? Yes, now that I can see.
And me feeling guilty? Doubtful. Not of that. I‘d like nothing more than to earn an income adequate enough to give to Wayne what he’s given to me: the chance to pursue his dreams for a change.
But something I do feel guilty about is taking away from my family’s time. Wayne’s work keeps him away from us enough as it is. We don’t need two workaholics in the family at the same time. And that’s what I’d have to become to truly succeed.
Except, that’s not quite accurate. I may not make a fortune working from home presently. I may not be a world-renowned anything. I might not ever become that even if I were to work 16 hour days seven days a week.
That’s okay. For now I’m more life oriented than career oriented. My family –as furry, four-legged, and sometimes smelly as they may be—are my priority. As long as they know I love them and would do anything for them, that’s enough payment and success for me.
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