If you miss having a second income since your divorce or feel you may have permanently messed up your children with the breakup, read on and see why this was truly the best decision you could have made.
The truth is that many single parents live on one paycheck, myself included, but it’s not easy to leave financial security behind and venture off on your own.
As a life and relationship coach, I’ve helped thousands of women over the years to get out of unhealthy relationships, raise their confidence, and find more fulfilling lives and loves. When a woman is stuck in a loveless or miserable marriage yet doesn’t take action to leave, the main excuse I hear is that they’re staying together for the kids and/or she needs the financial support. One woman I knew couldn’t fathom giving up her weekly clothing shopping sprees, even if she wasn’t happy with her love life. She had replaced sense with dollars!
While I can understand and sympathize, having been there myself, in the end this type of thinking doesn’t benefit anyone. Our kids learn that being unhappy is normal and they’re being conditioned for relationship problems of their own. They see their parents being cold toward one another, bickering, and a host of other negative scenarios.
When we stay for the money, it sends our self-esteem and independence right down the drain. Think about it, if a woman feels she can’t make it on her own, what does that do to her ego? It’s crushed and she feels weak. I know, because I was in that position. I was very unhappy in my marriage, but I stayed for 17 years because that’s what my parents and grandparents did.
My grandparents tried to hide their marital problems from us, but I could see that they didn’t really love one another. They never spent time together and there were often sarcastic jokes made at the others expense. My parents were at the other end of the spectrum, they didn’t care if the entire world knew they detested one another. There were arguments that sent my sister and I scrambling to hide in the closet until the dust settled. When I got older and asked my mom why she stayed in the marriage when she was obviously unhappy, she simply said, “For the paycheck.”
Since these adults were my educators when it came to life and love, it’s easy to see why I followed their same footsteps. Whenever I was dissatisfied in my marriage I would simply shove that little voice away and tell myself that this was simply how relationships worked. After all, my marriage wasn’t nearly as bad as my parents’.
As the years passed I grew increasingly miserable yet stayed for the kids and for financial reasons. I didn’t want to tear the marriage apart and emotionally scar my children. Besides, change is scary, even good change.
Not until 17 years went by did I finally pack my bags, take all five of my daughters, and leave. A person can only take so much unhappiness, and making it on my own didn’t seem nearly as intimidating as it did previously. And you know something? I’ve never regretted leaving. Not only is my life happier, but I’m doing well financially, my girls have learned to choose wisely when it comes to relationships, and we’ve bonded in a way that wouldn’t have been possible had I stayed in my negative marriage. It’s not always easy making ends meet or being the sole disciplinarian, but I wouldn’t change things for a million dollars.
For any woman who thinks she can’t make it on her own, don’t let that be the reason for choosing a life of unhappiness. You never know what you can accomplish until you try. The human soul is infinitely resilient and the body and mind capable of things beyond our imagination.
Single parents can live on one paycheck. And, by leaving a partner you weren’t compatible with, it sets a good example for your kids and allows you to find another love and create a life worth living rather than staying in a loveless marriage simply for the paycheck.