We know that parents influence children and that parents’ examples can play a large role in the people children become. The same is true of the marriage models children have in their lives.
Do you see any obvious influences of your parents’ marriage in your own relationship? I do, both good and bad. My parents didn’t have a very happy marriage overall and they divorced after my eighteenth birthday. In some cases, I definitely learned what not to do, and in other cases, I learned things that helped me develop stronger bonds.
Pros
One healthy thing I learned from my parents that affects the way I behave in my marriage is a sense of family sticking together. Even when my parents didn’t seem to like each other very much, they still helped each other. My dad owned a small landscaping business and I remember one summer when he had no reliable help. It was hot, hard work and he was exhausted all the time. I remember Mom loading us kids into the car and taking us to the job site. The three of us, especially my mom, helped him finish cleaning up brush and debris, and we continued helping him until he was able to hire someone.
Cons
My parents did not have a good system of communication. They didn’t know how to express their needs in a non-accusatory manner. Since they were always struggling just to get by, doing without things became a source of resentment. Had they been able to communicate better, they may have had more experiences like the one above. Instead of feeling obligated to help each other out of dire need, they may have wanted to help each other out of love.
What have you learned about marriage from your parents?