It sounds like a carnival attraction, the idea of children being sent inside the fun house and coming out laughing and giggling because it was so much fun. Except I’m not referring to a carnival, I am referring to the other parents house. Many divorced couples have to split custody of the children between each other and often one house has been dubbed “the fun house”.
So how do you cope when your ex-spouse seems to reside in the fun house? The first thing that you need to do is get your feelings in check so you can observe and review the situation with a clear mind. It is natural to be feeling a bit jealous and normal to want to compete to make your home more fun. This is certainly not the answer and will eventually lead to many problems in the future.
Obviously ex-spouses getting along is important. The problem is that there is a reason that the divorce occurred. More than likely there was a difference in opinions, parenting styles or many other aspects of married life. Despite that, there are still things that can be done to make coping easier.
If the other parent has the fun house, first evaluate what makes it more fun. Is it because there seems to be a lack of rules, bedtimes, better food, more gifts bought or perhaps more outings. Each of these really does propose its own set of unique challenges. Rules can be discussed between the couples and perhaps even with the child, as to prevent a problem with following them. It is always possible that the “fun house” parent will revert back to their “fun house” ways but discussing any of these concerns is important.
The purchasing of gifts and more outings is one of those things that can be stressful for the “non-fun house” parent. How do you compete when you don’t have the finances to change your situation? It’s simple actually. When a child grows, they begin to realize how important love, affection and attention are, and how little material objects play in their lives. Continuing to enforce this attitude in your own home, while spending quality time with your children, can help build and maintain a strong bond. The “fun house” syndrome doesn’t last forever, it will wear off over time. Just be prepared to work through what you can, and communicate with your ex-spouse as much as possible. Also remember, you cannot change them – you can only instill good values in your children and make life at your house as fun as possible.