“Even the best players don’t hit it every time”, I reassured Dylan after he asked me why he did not hit the tennis ball that I had tossed in his direction. He picked up his bat again and smiled, ready for me to toss the ball again and again. Every time he asked me why he did not hit it, I offered some variation of the above statement as well as praise for his continued efforts. He is two and a half years old, and I feel that it is important for him to understand that missing the ball is just a natural part of playing ball. I also feel that it is important for him to understand that his efforts are plenty good enough because he does the best that he can. After all, isn’t doing one’s best the most that we can expect from anyone on any given day?
Now that the boys are asleep, I am enjoying some quiet time after an emotionally trying day. All day long, I felt as if I were plagued by adversity or failure in everything that I did – or, more accurately, tried to do. As I sometimes do, I was berating myself about some of the things that I did, lamenting the things that I wanted to get done but was unable to do, and stewing about what I should have done differently in some situations. Then, I caught myself.
How is it that I can offer gentle reassurance to my son and emphasize to him that his efforts are good enough when I can not show the same kindness and compassion to myself? After all, I did the best that I could in each situation at the time. Granted, there are things that I did today which I regret like yelling, acting angry, and being generally unpleasant much of the time. As embarrassing as it is to admit this, though, those things were the best that I was capable of doing in the moments that I did them. In other moments I was capable of acting kindly, loving freely, smiling, and laughing. Today will not stand out in my mind as one of those shining moments of parenthood. I am choosing now to treat myself with compassion as I acknowledge that in parenting, just like in softball, even the best players don’t hit it every time.