Sometimes siblings can fight in such a hard and mean way that a parent wonders if there is any love between them at all! When they are screaming about how much they hate each other and the fists are flying, you may start to believe they actually DO hate each other and worry that they will never be close or supportive. For parents of hard-fighting siblings, DO they really hate each other for good?
Some of us may have our own history with siblings that we did not get along well with or may even be estranged from as adults. Or if we haven’t experienced this ourselves, we may know other people who are distant and distrustful of their siblings. While it does happen, it isn’t always because children fight hard as youngsters. Sometimes, those that fight the hardest–end up being connected the closest as they grow older.
This does not mean that as the parent we cannot set expectations and parameters around what is acceptable behavior in our homes. While I knew that I couldn’t stop my kids from fighting when they were younger (or now for that matter), I did believe that I could teach them how to resolve their conflicts and fight somewhat respectfully. Since my kids were not exposed to any sort of parental or adult violence, and I set a very firm rule that hitting, biting, kicking, or any other sort of violent behavior would absolutely NOT be tolerated, this wasn’t really an issue for us. Now, verbally, they could all three say some pretty mean things, however!
Look for, and point out ways that your children are being loving, caring, and playful to each other. This can help balance out those hateful, fighting times. I think it also helps to look for what is happening behind the fighting–is it over toys and territory? Does it happen when they have been together too long? Are they trying to get mom’s or dad’s attention? Is there something going on in the family or at school that might influence the fighting? Figuring out what is really going can help you address it better, teach your children better ways to communicate, and put your mind at ease that they don’t really hate each other.
Also: Siblings Blaming Siblings