We’ve all, no doubt, heard that parenting is a thankless job; most of us realize by now that there is a great deal of self-sacrifice and compromise that comes with the job of parent. While I thought I had a realistic picture of what being a parent would be like and I certainly went into it with open eyes, over the years the constant giving in, making adjustments, and self-sacrifice have surprised me. Not just in the quantity that is required of the average parent (or the average mom, really), but in my willingness and ability to adjust and rise to the self-sacrificing challenges. But, I cannot help but wonder if motherhood (and parenthood) always has to be about the self-sacrifice?
Now, granted in our modern western American society, selflessness and self-sacrifice get a bad rap. It is supposed to be all about individual fulfillment and doing our own thing—not about subjugating our desires for someone else. So, it may just be that there is not a lot of encouragement or reward for all the self-sacrificing that parents do. We are told instead to “stick up for ourselves” and “follow our bliss”—I know for a fact that changing dirty diapers for four years or sitting up with sick children on countless nights did not bring me any closer to my bliss—but it was the right thing to do and they were my children whom I loved and cared for.
I look at my middle-age friends who do not have children and I have to admit that I do not envy them; instead I wonder what they do with their lives? What gets them up in the morning? I mean, I think I’m a pretty interesting person and all that, but my own interests, ideas, and motivators can only keep me going for so long—there is a purpose that comes with being a parent that goes hand-in-hand with that self-sacrifice.
I do agree that we do need to make sure we don’t lose ourselves in our kids and make them our entire identity, but we also have an obligation to love, care for, protect, teach, guide, etc.—and that involves a healthy amount of self-sacrifice. Maybe it is all in the “framing”, however, and if we just see it as an honor and a gift, it doesn’t seem so much like we are giving something up?!
Also: Willing to Sacrifice
Profile in Self-Sacrafice: Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn