I think one of the hardest things for me to do as a parent is to NOT respond to something my children say or do. I am deeply entrenched in being responsive after years of mothering and it is often difficult for me to evaluate whether the best response from me at any given moment might be no response at all.
Cause and effect, action and reaction—thus is the dance of many a parent and child. Our children behave in a certain way, act out, say something and we respond in kind or at least with something we think is appropriate. But, is it always appropriate? Does every action on the part of our child or children demand a reaction from us? Not always…
Who among us hasn’t been on the receiving end of a child who is just trying to get a reaction from us, push our buttons, or get attention? Sometimes those behaviors can be a wake-up call to us to pay more attention to our child, while at other times, it really might be better if we didn’t respond at all. Yes, our mothers were right, sometimes ignoring unsavory comments and behavior is the very best thing we can do.
As my children have gotten older, one of my big parental lessons has been learning NOT to step in, get involved, rescue, or intervene in many situations that seem to be calling out for my involvement. It isn’t that I am cold-hearted or a naturally hands-off parent, it is just that there are so many times when children need to face the consequences of their own choices and NOT have Mom step in and intervene. My involvement may solve things temporarily, but in the long term it will only make things worse.
So, I have learned how to ask myself constantly, “Does this demand a reaction from me?” Is my child’s behavior really requiring me to respond or is it better that I sit this one out?
Also: Arguing Means Giving Up Power
Sometimes, There is More of a Reward for Misbehavior Than for Good Behavior
If I Could Only Stop Lecturing