For two people who married and were far from being virgins, the sexual history of both can at times play a part in causing arguments and insecurities. Though past history is important, in terms of sexual health and even the amount of emotional “baggage” carried from past relationships, the details of one’s sexual history need not be discussed.
Still, some people are not comfortable without the details. It’s as if they want to compare themselves with the competition of the past. This can be destructive to one’s psyche. Allowing ghosts of the past to influence your moods and attitudes in the sexual relationship of your marriage today is just not a good idea.
If you happen to be married to someone who was more sexually active than you, prior to marriage, you may be feeling a bit of anxiety as to how he rates you. This is where the temptation to ask questions comes in. Rather than specifically asking about partners of the past, ask instead about techniques, positions, and things he enjoys. Express your desire to try new things and experiment. There is no way that he’ll be wishing for something (or someone) of the past, with a woman who is wanting to do anything in the present to please him.
If you are still curious about your spouse’s partners prior to marriage, and want to know more, then go ahead and ask. Be prepared to experience mixed emotions as you get the details. Some people can’t move forward unless they’ve covered all the bases of the past, despite the fact that those relationships of the past aren’t necessarily important. Your spouse loves you and wanted to marry you. This alone tells you about the power of their commitment, love and loyalty.
If you do plan on asking more direct questions, be sure not to judge or condemn their actions of the past. Remember, it’s time to live in the now so you can work toward building a beautiful future together.
