Today I’m going to explore something I discovered when I adopted my dog: how much having a dog is like having a toddler.
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At first, I thought the similarities were just due to the young age of both subjects, but now that my dog’s aged to canine adulthood, I’ve learned that isn’t true. Nope, dogs and toddlers just really are alike.
Don’t believe me? I’ve compiled the main similarities into a handy list.
1. You have to clean up their poop. And other unpleasant messes.
For the first few years of your baby’s life, you have to wash and dispose of thousands of dirty diapers and spit-up cloths. If that weren’t enough, once your baby starts toddling around he or she can start to throw food all over the floor for you to clean up. At least dogs are cleaner about their food. But no matter your dog’s age, you still have to pick up after it on walks.
2. They will put anything they can reach into their mouths. And probably eat it.
Houses need to be both baby- and puppy-proofed for just this reason. Sometimes toddlers even take bites out of things like a dog would. This past weekend we were visiting friends who have a toddler. A bite-mark appeared in a toy foam ball. It wasn’t in the shape of the dog’s mouth. My dog spent the rest of the weekend trying to snatch a bite of it for herself.
3. They communicate primarily in whines and howls.
Once kids reach toddler age they do start to use real words. Yet their vocabulary is limited and most of their communications still sound more like they’re trying to talk to the dog than to humans.
4. They are easily distracted and will wander off if not watched constantly.
Bunny rabbit in the backyard? There’s almost an equal chance of who might go off chasing after it. Toddlers, especially because we remember them taking their first tentative steps so recently, can go much faster than we suspect. At least toddlers aren’t likely to go as far and are still much easier to catch than dogs.
5. They sleep at totally random times and will wake you in the middle of the night if they feel all their needs aren’t being met. My dog has gotten better about this, but there are still frequent enough occasions where she wants to play in the middle of the night. And forget about the concept of sleeping in: she doesn’t find that acceptable at all. The shadows often found under the eyes of my friends with a toddler tell a similar story.
I know it sounds silly or perhaps even demeaning to say, but as proven above, it really is true: there are some startling similarities between dogs and toddlers. And I have to say, all you toddler parents are lucky: at least your kids will grow out of it in a few years.
Soon they’ll be potty-trained, and you’ll be able to reason with them: “no, dear, you can’t put that in your mouth and eat that because it will make you very sick.” I’m stuck following my dog around with a plastic baggie and wrestling used sidewalk gum out of her mouth for as long as she’s spry enough to scrape it off the cement.
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Pet Parenting Means Constant Vigilance!
Cats and Dogs Really Can Get Along