Kids from single parent households do not hold the monopoly on trying to divide parents into two different camps and play them against each other to get what they want. BUT, it is so much easier when your parents are not on the same page anyway! Kids from divorced or separated families have a ready-made situation where they can fan the flames of discord and try to get what they want by playing their parents against each other. But, you can me more savvy and NOT let your child play the divide and conquer game.
Of course, thwarting your child at this game means you have to be able to communicate with the other parent. It means that you have to be willing to check the facts and send a very clear message to your child than any major decisions will be cleared and discussed through the other parent; and any time your child says “Mom/Dad told me I could” you will be checking it out. I know this isn’t always practical or easy–but being able to NOT put the child in the middle of communication with your child’s other parent will cut down on the divide and conquer environment.
Making the child a go-between or a carrier of information between the two houses and the two parents just sets up a situation where the child has a great deal of power. He gets to decide what gets told and shared and what doesn’t. Thinking that you are going to create an alliance with your child by keeping information from the other parent or saying “this is just between us” or “don’t tell your mother” really gives the child the tools to manipulate you as well! Remember to stay the adult and keep the communication, rule-making, and decisions in the hands of the adults and your child won’t be able to play both parents and both houses against each other.
Also: Two Sets of Rules
Your Child Still Has Two Parents