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Don’t Always Kiss Me Goodnight

Photo by Arjen Klinkenberg

Have you seen those plaques that say Always Kiss Me Goodnight? I see them in almost every catalog I get. (Wayne would tell you, “And that’s a lot of catalogs!”)

The first time I ever saw one I thought, “Aw, that’s sweet.” Then I toyed with the idea of buying one as a reminder for Wayne, because goodnight kisses are a bone of contention with me. He’s great about kissing me good morning, but he rarely kisses me goodnight.

It has to do with our natural rhythms. I am the night owl in our family. Not Wayne. He’s an early bird, up before five most mornings. His eyes start getting heavy around eight most nights, whereas that’s just about the time mine are popping open. When he gets sleepy, he does well enough just to stumble up the stairs and put himself to bed. I can’t honestly fault him for not thinking about kissing me in such a state.

Don’t get me wrong. He’ll return a kiss if I initiate it; it’s just that I always have to be the one to do that.

We’ve debated again and again about it. When I point out the lack of goodnight kisses, being the good husband he strives to be, he makes an effort to rectify the matter. It always only lasts a few days. Hey, he tries.

The only time I’m guaranteed a good night kiss is when we fight. Now, many a marriage expert will tell you the one thing to do to keep your marriage humming along happily is to never go to bed angry.

To that I say, “Malarkey!”

Come September, Wayne and I will have been married 12 years. This month we just celebrated 21 years together total time. We love each other very much and have a solid relationship, but do you know how many times we’ve gone to bed mad at each other? So many I’ve lost count. (Um, that sounds like we fight all the time. We don’t. But 21 years together does produce a fair number of fights.)

In my experience, I’ve found a good night’s sleep puts a fresh perspective on things. Usually we don’t wake up mad anymore, and we can concede our stubbornness and offer apologies.

See, I’m the grudge holder. I need that night’s sleep to simmer down. When I’m mad, I often won’t even sleep in our room. I take refuge in the guest room.

Which irritates Wayne. His bone of contention is that we should always sleep in the same bed no matter what.

So what does he do? Comes to give me a goodnight kiss, of course! That way, he can always hold it over me that he gives me goodnight kisses when they count most.

Ah, the subversive art of marital power plays. Score one for Wayne!

Courtney Mroch is a regular contributor to the Pets Blog. Read more from this blogger here.

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