Interestingly enough, my husband and I had an argument recently and the fruit of that argument was a revelation I wanted to share with our readers here. It’s a bad habit to ask your spouse for help on issues like household chores and activities. Why is it a bad habit? Because asking for help implies that if you don’t ask, you have it all covered and that this task is ours to ask for help on or not. The truth is, our responsibilities from household chores to financial responsibilities – they are shared responsibilities and have been since the very beginning.
When it comes to being married, the largest bones of contention in a marriage come from arguing about the chores and who should or shouldn’t be doing them. My husband and I have fallen into this trap over the years and it wasn’t until we were arguing about a chore that he typically did and hadn’t in some time that this came to light.
He pointed out that I stopped doing his laundry to teach him to help out with that chore. I stopped doing the dishes to teach him how to do help with that chore. So he’d stopped doing his chore to get me to help out as well. When he pointed this out, he reflected that he was tired of doing that chore all by himself – that it was his sole responsibility.
Yet the trick of it was – it was the only responsibility that was solely his. I pointed out to him that all he had to do was ask – and he said he shouldn’t have to ask and I retorted – that I asked all the time. If I wanted help with the cat litter boxes – I had to ask for it. If I wanted him to handle the grocery shopping, I had to ask.
That’s when we both stopped.
Asking Implies Ownership of the Responsibility
Our responsibilities as a couple, as homeowners, as household managers and even as parents – are all shared and neither one nor the other of us should claim ownership and thus have to ask for help. Yes – as a couple and as friends, we need to be able to communicate our needs whether it is assistance or otherwise – but when it comes to chores – save yourselves the argument – don’t claim ownership – work together to get everything done.
If that means allotting tasks or picking tasks and trading off tasks – that’s what it means you need to do. So break the bad habit of asking for help and share the need and share the responsibilities and you and your spouse may avoid numerous arguments and hard feelings within your marriage.
How do you and your spouse share your responsibilities? Do you make life difficult for each other or do you make it easier?
Related Articles:
What Have You Done for Me Lately?
Why Do Men Never Remember; Women Never Forget
Top 5 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict in Your Marriage