One of the hard lessons I have had to learn as a single parent is NOT to try to do everything all by myself. One of the big things that held me back in the early years was that I didn’t want to impose or put “my stuff” onto other people. I assumed that since I had had these children by choice and I should be “in charge” of living my life and running my family, that I had no right to ask anyone for anything. I just didn’t want people to think that I could not handle my situation or that I expected someone to step in and help me. Asking for help, support, or just ordinary understanding is NOT an imposition…
I still wrestle with this feeling that I don’t want to impose on people, but the realities of single parenthood and raising three kids has forced me to let go some and learn how to ask, request, and let others help out. For me, it has helped to keep the focus on what my kids need, that way I can overcome my own pride or embarrassment or insecurity for the sake of my kids in ways that I might not be able to for myself. I know that sounds like a stereotypical “mom”, but by learning to let others in to support my kids and my family, I’ve also learned how to let others in to support me.
I realized that it can be really easy for us to tell single parents to “ask for help” but that doesn’t really address the reasons why we might not be willing to do that. It is my opinion that the fear of imposing on our friends, family, and neighbors for whatever reason is one of the chief realities that keeps us plodding along on our own. Think of it this way: give other people the opportunity to help, it’s good for them too! Plus, they can always say “no” if they are not able to help.
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Thank Goodness for That Village!