Communication is key. Or, at least it is mighty important when it comes to our interpersonal relationships. And, I would like to propose that nowhere is communication MORE of a factor than in parenting our children. Making sure that we get our “yeses” and our “nos” and get our point across in a crystal clear way is necessary—regardless of what age our child is. Our kids will pounce all over vagueness which is why it is so important that we make sure we are NOT vague in what and how we communicate with our children.
Being direct does not mean we have to be grumpy and stern. In fact, calmness is actually a good thing and the less charged we can be in communicating with our children; it generally works out for the better. However, if we use a lot of terms like: later, maybe, whenever, if you want, you might think about, don’t you think you want to, if you feel like it, might, sort-of, etc. (you can see where I’m going here?) then we are really not sending a very clear message to our children. The more specific and complete (not to mention simple) we can be, the less we will leave any ambiguity or room for the “grey area” that can give our kids an out or contribute to misunderstandings.
Remember that old saying, “Say what you mean and mean what you say?” I think this is a great mantra for any parent. Making sure that you are not allowing for multiple interpretations with your kids—regardless of whether you are stating rules and expectations, or sharing your values and beliefs with your children—will help to ensure that communication is clear and complete. Watch the vagueness, our kids learn quickly how to take advantage of when things are unclear or vague and it is up to us to take the vagueness OUT of our parent-child communication.
See Also: Talking the Talk
Disagreements About Discipline