Don’t expect perfection- it sounds obvious since none of us are perfect people. We all have our faults and personality traits and things we could and should change. If we’re honest, we know we’re not perfect, but how often do we expect perfection from our spouse?
To take an example. How often do they offer to do a job and we expect them to do it perfectly – which of course means exactly the way we would do it. More often that not, that won’t turn out to be the reality.
Think about this example. Suppose your spouse volunteered to go and pick some spinach for dinner from the vegetable garden, since you are busy getting other things ready for dinner. Yes, this is helpful. When your spouse comes in he proceeds to wash it. Again helpful, since you are otherwise occupied.
‘Make sure you get all the snails and little creatures off,’ you say since home grown spinach has habit of attracting snails, so.
He nods. You see him remove and throw out the snails. All is good.
You thank him for washing the spinach and start to cut it up into the saucepan. As you do, you notice a few bits of dirt clinging to the leaves. At this point you have several choices.
You could say something like, ‘I knew I should have done it myself. Trust you not to do it properly. You should have been more careful.’ None of these are helpful.
You could put the spinach in the saucepan, dirt and all and hope the boiling water gets rid of any germs. You could sigh and proceed to go over it yourself carefully. Or you could wait till your spouse is otherwise occupied and then simply wash the leaves again more carefully, without any words, accusations or fuss.
Yes you could have mentioned it. But really what would that achieve? Being critical usually means the person then is less inclined to offer or want to do something helpful again since it’s obvious they can’t do it right- or y to your satisfaction.
Yet so often I see people do this. Then they wonder why their spouse doesn’t help around the house or volunteer to do anything. Because nothing is done is ever done in a good enough manner for them. Well, I don’t know about you but if someone was telling me I wasn’t doing something right and criticized me all the time, letting me know it wasn’t to their satisfaction, I wouldn’t feel like helping them or doing the job any more. I’d be inclined to think, ‘if you think you can do a better job then do it yourself.’
Next time your spouse offers to help in some way , think about the way you respond if it is not done perfectly.
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