We talk a great deal about setting limits and boundaries here in the Parenting blog, as well as how to go about setting and adjusting rules. We also talk about those common parenting problems of power struggles and battles of will that can be ordinary life events—not very pleasant, but ordinary. It probably doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves that even when we set the most reasonable of boundaries or limits, we can expect that our children might not be too happy about it!
I think the fact that kids balk and complain about parental rule setting is what makes many parents give up on it. Parents think that because kids fight it, they don’t want or need the boundaries and parents decide that they do not want to battle over everything (or even some things). Think of it like “breaking” a horse, however, the fighting and resisting are generally temporary. If a parent stands kindly firm, the child will eventually realize that the boundary is staying and they need to get with the program. Parents are supposed to set boundaries and limits and kids are supposed to push and test them—each party is simply doing their job.
If you are expecting your kids to be thrilled and excited when you say “no” or set an expectation, you may be waiting a very long time. Instead, if you anticipate the resistance and can detach yourself from it, you may be more likely to be able to stick firm and not get roped into a battle of wills or those power struggles I mentioned earlier. Maybe you cannot “force” or “make” them do something, but you can set the boundaries and make sure there are logical or natural consequences on the follow-through. As parents, this is our job—regardless of whether our children throw a party when we do it or not.