Okay, who among us hasn’t been on the receiving end of a guilt trip? Whether it is the silent treatment or a cold shoulder or someone stepping in and doing something because we didn’t get it done “on time” or the way they wanted? It can happen amongst family, friends, and at work and when it comes to our own parenting, it is a sure fire way to create a division and conflict between ourselves and our child.
I am not an intentional guilt-tripper, but occasionally I do lapse into it (and I’m not even sure why—I guess that is another blog topic to explore). Fortunately, my kids always call me on it and I get the “Are you trying to guilt trip me, Mom?” or the very simple and direct “Stop guilt tripping me!” My eldest daughter just says the very brief “guilt trip” to let me know that I’ve lapsed into some unsavory parental behavior.
With too much of the guilt tripping, kids will eventually just detach and “turn off” in order to protect their emotions from such manipulation. It might not happen when they are young, but eventually, there will be some pretty heavy baggage between parent and child if guilt is a parent’s main tool. So, how do you know if you are creating that sort of distance?
Any time you are using guilt—making the child feel guilty because he didn’t do what you wanted, or trying to elicit emotional support or sympathy for yourself by painting a “poor me” attitude—you really are expecting too much from your child. If we want our children to learn healthy boundaries and be able to protect themselves from getting into co-dependent or unhealthy relationships as they get older—we need to NOT train them for it with our own behaviors.
Also: Do Dogs Feel Guilt?