Do you know the Joneses, or the Smiths or Insert Family Name here? They are that family or that couple that always seems so perfect. The one where the wife is always tan and polished, the husband is handsome and attentive and the children are always winning all of the awards in school or sports. But beware of the Joneses. They could just ruin your marriage, even if they aren’t aware of it themselves.
Sometimes when we look at other couples, a little bit of envy starts to sneak in. We may wonder why it is that they are the lucky ones, the ones that always have more, or the ones who have it easy. Of course, the reality might be quite different, but even if it isn’t wasting being focused on keeping up with the Joneses takes away effort, energy and communication that is better off being used to promote your own marriage value system.
By envying another couple, we let jealously, frustration, anger and resentment can creep into our own marriages, leaving us ripe for conflict. Why doesn’t my husband let me sleep in on Saturday mornings, or why does my wife get a job that allows us to go on vacation every year, we start to think. The Joneses can take our own satisfactory marriage and turn it on its head, when we think we want things that they have, even though we never wanted them before.
Instead of resenting our marriage situations or hating the Joneses, examine what it is that bothers you about them. Usually it is those things that we dislike in others that mirror the things that we dislike in ourselves. The Joneses may not be so perfect behind closed doors. We’ve probably made up a lot of them ourselves in our own mind. Or, they may be wonderful people from whom we could learn.
Ask yourself if you really want to be the Joneses. And if the answer is yes, then figure out a way to work together to reach that goal. After all, shared dreams and goals can be a wonderful place to exert all of that effort previously placed in negative pursuits.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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