Developmental stages and age charts are just one way of evaluating whether or not a child is on track or in a “developmentally appropriate” stage. Most parents learn that age cannot be the only indicator of whether a child is capable of handling increased responsibilities, more complicated toys, special activities, etc. Our child and the same-age neighbor may be in completely different developmental stages.
It is easy to find charts that tell you what the “average” 10-year-old or 5-year-old or even 16-year-old should be doing. Many parents will also set benchmarks like “no make-up until you’re 13” or “no dating until you’re 16”–but the fact is one child’s maturity level at 16 might be quite different from another’s. Parents have to draw on other personality traits and indicators to decide when a child really is ready for certain things.
While maturity, responsibility, and other capabilities do increase with age–they don’t increase at the same rate with each child. Personality comes into play, as do things like birth order, family dynamics, intellect, and all sorts of other variables. Chances are, parents will need to take all of these into account when deciding when a child is ready for some of the biggies like dating, summer camp, sleepovers, overnight trips with friends, jobs, etc. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give our kids a chance to prove themselves–but parents have every reason to be cautious and take all these variables into consideration–not just the child’s chronological age.
Parents may find that it is best to use the charts of the “average” developmental stages as loose guidelines and pay closer attention to the reality of how their individual child is developing. Each child has his or her own pace and by knowing and staying connected with our child, we can help guide them on the road to independence.
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