So, we know that we are supposed to be consistent and firm as parents, but what does that really mean when we’re down in the trenches, trying to fend off the very persistent efforts of a determined child? We can be consistent and still be getting trampled over by our kids (consistently)! One thing to remember is that we are definitely NOT helping our children when we let them manipulate us in order to get what they want.
Okay, so what does this mean? How much harm can be done if a child learns that whining gets him a cookie or faking sick will get her extra attention from mom or dad? Well, if you think of the long term, are those the sorts of behaviors that will be advantageous or becoming in an older child or an adult? If kids learn that they can manipulate their way into and out of situations, will they be kind, strong, respectful citizens? And, what will happen to your own self-esteem and mental well-being if you are letting yourself be manipulated by your child?
Alright then, what can be done? First, a little trick I learned years ago is that if you “feel” as though your child is trying to manipulate you—he or she probably is. We all know that infants and babies are do not have ulterior motives, but a three-year-old may very well be throwing a temper tantrum in order to get mom or dad to let him stay up later. If you feel like your child’s efforts and actions are geared toward manipulating you into doing or giving something—look into that and make the decision to remain firm and calm.
Kids get really good at manipulation from a young age. They know when we are tired, frustrated, embarrassed because we are in public, etc. and know these are prime times to turn on the manipulation and try to get their own way. DON’T get snookered. Avoidance, distraction and refusing to give in can be the best ways to nip manipulation efforts in the bud. Reinforce the positive and stay strong and firm when you feel like your child is trying to manipulate you and you will keep those tendencies from growing and developing in your child.
See Also: Less Talk, More Action