Rule number 853 of parenting: Don’t Take Things Personally! Okay, maybe it should be in the top ten of rules for parents, but learning how to not take the things your child says and does personally is one of the major challenges that I’ve wrestled with over the years. After all, it’s pretty darn hard not to take something like “I hate you!” to heart…
The fact is, as soon as children are able to talk, they will start complaining and saying unpleasant things and it often feels like they are taking all of their frustrations out on the closest person available—mom or dad. Often, that is exactly what is happening. Mom and Dad are not only the closest available outlet, but they are the safest too. After all, who else can you say and do anything to and they will still love you, hug you, feed you, and tuck you into bed at night with a bedtime story?
The calm parent is one who can NOT take all the complaints and comments and actions that kids inevitable do personally. It isn’t personal, after all and while it may FEEL like a reflection of you and your parenting skills, it really isn’t. Even when it seems like the rest of the world is holding you personally responsible for the fact that your child chose to say a dirty word in church, there is such a thing as free will (even for children) and I’m giving you permission to NOT take it personally!
Whenever I am tempted to take something one of my children says or does personally to heart (and I admit it is fairly often even though I know better), I think of my own mother. I figure if she can still talk to me and say encouraging, supportive things after everything I’ve put HER through over the years, I can learn to let things my kids do roll off my back too. The truth is, it is easier to stay grounded and present for our kids if we have strong boundaries and don’t let their personal choices and actions get under our parental skin!
See Also: Don’t Get Frustrated–Take a New Look at Your Child’s Behavior
Why is My Child Doing That? Understanding Misbehavior
Mirroring and Validation–A Parent’s Tools