As much as we may not like it, teen attitude is normal behavior. Almost all teenagers go through a period where we love them but let’s face it; we have a harder time liking them. Rather, I should say that we have a harder time liking their behavior. It’s important that we don’t make things personal when our teenagers are going through those more difficult stages.
Expressing to a teen, “I don’t like the way you’re acting” is much better than “I don’t like you.” Even if we don’t come right out and say those words we may be demonstrating that to our teenagers through our actions. It’s so important that teens are never made to feel that they as a person are bad—only that their behavior is bad.
When my oldest child turned 12 I noticed a change in his behavior. He became lippier, suddenly knew everything and was constantly rolling his eyes. I began to take his behavior personally. I somehow turned it into something that was against me when it reality it was just him becoming a typical teenager. Yes the behavior still needed to be addressed but I had to learn to not take things so personally. When I did take his behavior personally then I would find myself getting down, feeling sad or angry. Those emotions never helped the situation when there was already some tension going on between us.
That stage is long over with but now I have a daughter who is about to turn 13 and I am seeing some of the same things. It’s a little different with her being a girl; in fact, I would have to say that it’s almost worse. However the lessons I learned from my first child are really helping me to get through this time much easier. I don’t attribute her behavior to her personally and I don’t take it personally.
It might sound like a simple concept. But it makes a huge difference when you are dealing with a teenager. When you eliminate the part of making it all personal, you react better to those difficult situations and in turn, you’re teen responds better. Sometimes it’s just easier for me to let things go. I may pretend to not see a gesture or I completely ignore a snappy remark. I do this because I have learned to pick my battles. If eye rolling is the worst of my worries then I am doing pretty well.
I want my children to know that even when they are difficult, even when they are going through a challenging stage that I still love and accept them. Acceptance is a big issue with teens and so by not taking things personally or putting it upon them as something personal then we are helping and not hurting the situation.
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