Even when our children have two parents in their lives, if we are a single parent running our own household, we are called upon to incorporate all sorts of different “traditional gender” roles into our parenting. We can cling to an idea that we are only this or only that and many of us find that we take on elements of mothering and fathering and become a better-rounded parent…
This is not to say or imply that there is anything wrong with those who choose to go the more traditional “mom” and “dad” route and are heading up two-parent homes, but for those of us who are single parents, I think many of us quickly find that since we do not have another person or another gender to pick up the stuff we won’t or can’t do—we find a way to take on both sides of the parenting dynamic. Whether it is those silly gender stereotypes like who bakes cookies and who fixes the plumbing (we do both, of course, as single parents whether we are male or female) or larger issues like emotional nurturing, setting limits and discipline, or remembering birthdays and special days. It falls upon us to take care of it all—at least in the context of our own household.
I know that not everyone is particularly thrilled about this reality of having to take on elements of both mother and father, but the more competent and comfortable we become at it, the better for our children. I really do believe that children from single parent families get a less regimented idea of what “moms” do and what “dads” do since many of them see parents who are quite competent in many areas regardless of sex or gender. We may also find that having to expand our repertoire helps us grow and develop into a more creative, deep and “all-purpose” parent as well.
Also: Let Go of the Rescue Fantasy